Coming Out, Staying Out, and How Gender Fluidity Gave Me Freedom
Name: Parker
Pronouns: they/them, he/him
Title: Manager Business Risk
Location: Riverwoods, IL
Loving who I am and pursuing my passions
I really enjoy that my identity can be somewhat fluid. I identify as non-binary which frees me from the traditional gender boxes and allows me to show up as my authentic self in any moment. More than anything, I love that I have friends, family, and colleagues who support me regardless of my identity.
I am extremely passionate about my career and friends. Ever since I was a kid, I dreamt of having a career where I could exercise my brain, solve puzzles, and create value for society. I’m lucky to know those goals are met consistently in my job at Discover. I also love spending time with my friends—playing sports, going to the beach, and playing trivia with them every week.
Learning, taking things in stride, and different experiences
I think the great skill I’ve learned in my career is how to relax. I have anxiety and tend to overcomplicate and stress out about projects, but the more I learn to trust myself, the experience, and the output of my colleagues, the better the outcome for the project and my interpersonal relationships becomes. Coming out as trans played a major role in being able to take things in stride. By being my authentic self at work, I’m able to be far less in my head and able to focus on the big picture.
If I could speak to my younger self, I would tell myself that coming out doesn’t mean ending your career. My entire life, I believed that there was no space for me to have the career I always imagined while being openly queer— let alone transgender. I spent years of my life closeted to avoid ruining my career which is laughable to me given where I am now. One of my greatest accomplishments was coming out and staying out at work. I wish I knew how accepting everyone would be years ago.
I never struggled with finding my voice. I come from a middle eastern household and was raised by my very extroverted mother. It took me longer to learn when to be quiet than it did when to speak up. Growing up, I was always asked my opinion, even on topics far too complex for my age. My mother raised me to speak up for myself and others and never be ashamed of asking for what you need to succeed or be happy. I’m very lucky to have been raised by my mother because she gave me the confidence to be my own advocate from a very young age.
The experience of being transgender varies greatly. It is important to leave space for every individual to live in a way most comfortable for them, regardless of what that means to them when sharing their past. For me personally, I am extremely open about my transgender experience, even at work. I feel like my past – including being transgender – is an important part of who I am, and I prefer for my coworkers to know I am transgender, even if I might’ve “passed” as a cis-gender man. Of course, it’s not necessarily part of my intro sentence to people, but it does often come up when I talk about my past experiences, current panels I sit on, or my friends outside of work. I’ve been constantly amazed at how positively people here at Discover respond to my openness. Those thoughts aside, there is a difference between me offering information and people asking uncomfortable questions. It is never appropriate to pry or try to force trans people to offer more information than they are comfortable with sharing. If trans people want to share, they will on their own accord.
