When I Stopped Calling My Fiancé My Roommate— and Other Advice on Navigating the Closet
Nicole Shuck
Senior Manager, Rewards Marketing
Riverwoods, IL
Pronouns: She/Her/Hers
Why I stayed in denial
From a young age, my friends and family joked about me being gay. All throughout middle school, high school, and even my freshmen year of college, I denied it. I felt afraid of being more different than I already was, and I struggled constantly with my internal thoughts. When I had my first crush on a girl in high school, she called me out on it in a not-so-positive way. After that moment, I told myself, “I can’t be gay. I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to be different.”
Saying “I’m gay” out loud
I was in hardcore denial until I met some new friends through my sorority my sophomore year of college. They showed me that it was okay to be me, to accept myself and to love myself. After playing a game of spin the bottle (ha!), I quickly realized there was no point in denying it anymore.
That night I finally said the words, “I’m gay” out loud. From there, my life changed for the better and a complete feeling of relief washed over me as the weight finally lifted off my chest.
Telling my parents
A year later of living openly at college, I had my first girlfriend and that’s when I decided to call my parents to finally come out to them. The day I came out to my parents was one of the most impactful moments of my life. I changed my relationship status on social media to, “in a relationship,” but didn’t list with who. Then I called my parents, knowing they would see my status change and question me. I told them, “I have something to tell you. Will you love me no matter what?” My parents paused and said, “Of course, we will always love you.” With a choked up voice. I said, “I’m gay.”
The longest 10 seconds of my life
The 10 second pause after I said those words felt like the longest time of my life. They quickly responded with, “of course we will always love you and we accept you.” We cried for a few minutes on the phone together, just sinking in that I was finally fully out to the people who mattered the most in my life. They did ask the question, “will we still get grandkids,” but they quickly educated themselves after that moment and have been my biggest supporters. I wouldn’t be who I am today if they’d responded differently. I wouldn’t live such a positive, loving, caring and open life without them.
Finding my soulmate
From then on, I’ve lived openly and freely and met the love of my life. I’ve now spent 9 years with the best human I could ever ask for and am set to be married to her this June. If I didn’t come out and accept myself, I would have missed out on finding my soulmate and being the happiest I could possibly be. Reflecting back, I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself at a young age. That said, my experiences shaped me, made me stronger and developed my trust in myself.
Fiancé or roommate
I’ve been at the Discover Riverwoods, IL headquarters for over 6 years now. For the first 1-2 years, I was very selective of who I came out to and told about my personal life. When people asked who I lived with, I called my fiancé my “roommate.”
At that time, I had come out to a close friend at work who accepted and loved me. She pulled me aside and said, “You have to stop doing that. No one will care about who you love and they will only love you more for being you.” In that moment, she was the best ally I could’ve ever asked for. She gave me the courage, in this new professional world, to be my full authentic self.
Taking one step forward
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to really lean into the notion that, “When you’re scared, afraid, nervous; take one step forward.” Coming out at work was one small step forward. I slowly opened up one by one, until eventually my sexuality became part of everyday normal conversation. I’ve moved away from “coming out,” to just “being me.” And when the pandemic started, I hung a pride flag behind me so that on every single video call, my flag is showing.
Surprise virtual bridal shower
Ever since I started to be more and more open at work, every person I’ve come out to has shown me nothing but positivity and acceptance. Even most recently, my past coworkers, current coworkers and friends came together for a surprise virtual bridal shower for me and I was blown away by how many people showed up and contributed to the gift.
Your discomfort isn’t mine to feel
Outside of work, I’m still working on letting go of my fear of making other people “uncomfortable.” When I feel like holding back, I confront that fear by speaking confidently and remembering that any uncomfortableness isn’t mine to feel. This is my daily personal challenge to overcome, but every day that I come out (because it’s an every day journey), gradually gets easier. While everyone’s “coming out” journey is different, for me, believing in the statement “If you don’t love me, if you don’t accept me, then it’s your loss” gets easier every day.
My LGBTQ+ cultural fave
SOFTBALL. I love the stereotype about lesbians being softball players because, well, it’s pretty accurate (I played softball for 15+ years). Also, my absolute favorite memories are from the annual Pride trips that my friends and I take every year in downtown Columbus, Ohio! We all book multiple hotel rooms (sometimes over-packing them), collect all of our pride gear (pride flags, tattoos, fanny packs, etc.), gather our drinks and watch the Pride parade. We stroll up and down the short north all day long, and end our night at the only remaining lesbian bar in the city!
Inspired to join the Discover team? Explore careers with us.