Religion and Sexual Orientation Have Entered the Chat
Patrick Opinion
Lead AML Compliance Specialist
Riverwoods, IL
Pronouns: He/Him/His
My perpetual struggle
Growing up in a conservative Catholic family, I experienced the perpetual struggle between my religion and my sexual orientation. At school, I feared being ridiculed and resorted to finding comfort in my introversion. I didn’t have the privilege of a support system and rarely had friends who identified in the same way. With the few who were out, I just never felt that I belonged. I was an outsider looking in and was overcome with insecurity.
I wanted to be invisible
My self-esteem was in disarray and confidence wasn’t my strong suit. I made every attempt to avoid public speaking or any events that will put me in the spotlight—I wanted to be invisible. I was constantly looking for words of affirmation that would diffuse that feeling of vulnerability. I tended to anticipate the worst in people, so my mindset was fairly cynical. During those years my anxiety around social settings deprived me of learning self-acceptance. Distrust became my primary line of defense against microaggressions.
Conforming at my own expense
As a product of this upbringing, I’m constantly mentally reminded to conform at the expense of my own authenticity. Filipino households for one are notoriously judgmental and consider LGBTQ+ identities to be disharmonious to the context of family. To cope, I suppressed my true self in an attempt to become someone else’s expectation of “normal.” In doing so, I only found myself trapped in the duality of my existence.
Flipping a fixed mindset
But then at some point, I grew out of that discomfort by cautiously flipping that seemingly fixed mindset. I realized that while I cannot choose my identity, I can choose my religion. Now, I’ve accepted myself to a fault. Just as the self is a work in progress, I acknowledge that our belief systems are flawed (in more ways than one). But the belief system I grew up with offered one key takeaway— be kind to yourself and others.
Expression can be subtle
For me, acceptance doesn’t look like being explicit and boisterous in my gender expression. I find comfort in being mildly spirited. I’m protective of my own space and will speak my truth on my own time and in the way that benefits me the most. I haven’t been outspoken about coming out because I believe I don’t owe anyone an explanation. Nor do I need validation. I strongly feel that “coming out” is a process of self-discovery. It’s a personal choice to be vocal or passively approach it. But it’s done in your free will and not out of peer pressure.
Finding self-acceptance
Gradually over time, I’ve discovered opportunities to find self-acceptance by working for organizations that champion diversity. I’m now connected to people with the same passion for inclusion. I feel it’s imperative that organizations develop a safe space for individuals where everyone can be themselves and find a sense of belonging.
Lead with intention
I’ve been privileged to be a part of my organization’s DE&I council, where I learn from a team of like-minded individuals and navigate topics like unconscious bias, blind spots and racial injustice. I’ve become more comfortable in my own skin as I continuously learn how to navigate the biases that surround my consciousness. Through action and conversations like these, we can learn how to be more intentional in how we treat each other.
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