Re-Defining What It Means to Be a Gay Man
Nicholas Cash
System Support Specialist
Lake Park, UT
Pronouns: He/Him
Coming out to myself
I’ve known I was gay since the third grade when I had a crush on another kid. However, I didn’t accept that I was gay until my early 20’s. When I came out to myself when I was 20, I worried about what other people would think of me. Growing up in a mostly conservative area with a strong religious presence made it a bit more difficult to come out. But I was very lucky. My family was accepting and I didn’t have to worry about losing relationships, family or friends.
The moment I started a new adventure
When I came out, I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. My mom told me she was proud of me and was proud that I could be myself and live a happy life. I had a new adventure to start to become who I truly am. I’m definitely still on that adventure, as I am ever-changing and discovering new things about myself.
What it means to be a gay man
I’ve grown, forgotten things I loved, learned new things I love, revisited the forgotten and come out stronger in the end. I haven’t evolved from being a gay man, but I have evolved in learning about what it means to be a gay man. Just because I’m a gay man doesn’t mean that I need to act a certain way or pretend to be someone I’m not.
It’s complicated
If I had to label my relationship status with my identity, I would say “it’s complicated.” I love who I am, and I love that my identity is not considered the norm, but at times, I also wonder what it would be like to be looked at as “normal.” I thought coming out would be enough, but it wasn’t. I’m still learning about who I am and what truly defines me.
Why labels aren’t perfect
I also don’t want to be placed in a box. Within the LGBTQ+ community, we tend to place identities in boxes. Categorizing identities reinforces some obligation to act according to the label. This phenomenon is a constant struggle for me. Breaking down those walls and figuring out who I truly am has been the most challenging part of evolving my identity.
How I’m living through major life changes
I’m in a spot right now in my life that involves a lot of change. I’m working on figuring out who I am again, what makes me happy, and where my passions lie. On the journey of acceptance, in some cases I am still at the beginning, in other cases in the middle. Though, I don’t think I’m at the end in any case. I feel I can live my life to the fullest and can be who I truly am, but I need to figure out who that truly is. I’m figuring out again what makes me happy with life within the LGBTQ+ community and outside of it. Some of my relationships have made me forget parts of me that I truly loved when I was young. I can re pursue those passions and will have the opportunity to understand myself again.
The impact of a Pride ERG
I stay connected to the broader LGBTQ+ community through volunteering and through Discover. Having the opportunity to play a role on our Pride Employee Resource Group (ERG) at Discover has changed my life and has helped me grow as a person. Attending the Pride parades and going to festivals are imperative to me staying connected. Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DE&I) in general is a passion of mine and being able to make a difference has changed my perspective on the world.
I feel lucky to work for Discover. This company is one of the most accepting and loving companies I could choose to work for. I’m so happy to be able to be myself at work without judgement or fear of judgement. I feel very accepted at Discover. I feel like this is a company who truly cares about their employees and the identities of those employees.
Learning to love the challenge
One hard truth that I’ve learned is that not every job choice will be the right fit for you. I was in a position that came very easily to me in the past. I needed a challenge so I took on a new job as a system support specialist, but I didn’t have much relevant experience. The new job has been difficult for me to catch onto (I’m still learning a lot of the systems and the statistics), but I’ve learned to give it my own flair and have really grown to love the challenge.
My biggest mistake
One of the biggest mistakes I made early on was not being able to accept feedback. I had a hard time hearing things that could be improved. As I took a step back, I realized my manager didn’t want to hurt me, but make me better at what I did. Once I began taking feedback and implementing it, I saw so many opportunities come my way.
Best decision I ever made
Going back to school has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I graduate after the fall semester this year and am so excited to almost be done. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am at now, but it’s all been worth it.
My LGBTQ+ cultural faves
I love drag show reality TV and all things reality TV. Housewives and dating shows— all of them have my heart and more of my time than I wish to delve into. Part of the appeal is seeing how these people live, and their version of “normal” is fascinating to me.
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