It’s a Destination and a Journey: My Identity Evolution
Sawyer Brown
Field Talent Program Specialist
Chatham
Pronouns: He/Him
Uncovering your true self
I first came out to myself around 12 or 13 years old. [To be honest,] it was a tough experience. [I grew] up in an area where almost everyone around me (including my friends and family) were taught that marriage was strictly between one man and one woman. I was in an environment that wasn’t safe for me to come out. I felt ashamed of who I was, so it was hard for me to even just say “I’m gay” out loud to myself. I would only do it when I [knew] I was alone and no one would be able to hear me. Over time, it got easier to say and eventually I felt safe enough to come out to those around me. It definitely took some time.
What I’d say to a younger “me”
Be YOU. Whatever you feel that is, just be it. You don’t need to change yourself to please those around you. They’ll love you for who you are. And if they don’t, you don’t need them in your life anyway. The people that will love and support you will always be there. And those are the people that will stay consistent in your life.
Exploring identity
My relationship with my identity is ever changing. The longer I’ve spent “out” with my sexuality, the more comfortable I am with myself and expressing my true self. I do feel at times I still have to “tone it down” or change how I come across in certain scenarios. That’s something I still am working through. But I am very proud with how far I’ve come and who I am as a queer person.
Safe navigation
Always be aware of your surroundings. Find solace in those around you that are in the same space that are either LGBTQ+ themselves, or an ally. There are times where you will be in a situation or space that isn’t safe. Find outlets or other people that can support you and will help you navigate those non-LGBTQ+ affirming spaces.
Support and community
I try to attend a few Pride events every so often. Whether it’s through Discover’s [Pride] ERG or just pride events near me, I try to participate and volunteer however I can. But mostly I try to center myself around my close LGBTQ+ friends. Being in a safe space where I can be my most authentic self because I have loving, supportive people around me who also are being their authentic selves, keeps me connected with my identity but also the community as a whole.
Obsessions in the best way
I am obsessed with Pop Divas. I am always up to date on everything they’re up to. New music release dates, makeup lines, magazine spreads—anything you want to know, I’m your go to!
An ongoing journey
Me being gay isn’t just me being a man that is attracted to other people that identify as men, it’s so much more than that. It’s a community. It’s also remembering our queer family that came before us and paved the way. It’s anyone that has ever felt different for the way they identify, or who they’re attracted to. I’m not ashamed for being LGBTQ+— it’s made me a better person. I used to go to sleep at night hoping I’d wake up the next day straight, and now I can’t imagine myself being anything other than who I am. Which is a proud gay man. Still learning every day exactly who I am, I think our identities are always evolving. I don’t want to limit myself to one identity based on how I’m feeling right now. But regardless, I fully accept who I am every single day and am excited to see where life takes me!
