Growing Up in the German Countryside: My Sexuality Is Just One Part of Me
Susanne Jenz-Lingemann
Senior Executive Relationship Manager
Remote (Cologne, Germany)
Pronouns: She/Her/Hers
Journey to acceptance
I am 100% happy with who I am and how I identify. Of course, this wasn’t always the case. It took a long time to get to the point. It was hard work— the key was becoming increasingly self-confident and caring less about what others might think.
Negative representation
When I first came out to myself I felt very alone. I grew up in a small village in the countryside. I felt certain that I was the only one who felt the way I did. At the time, there wasn’t a lot of LGBTQ+ representation in the media. The internet wasn’t popular, nor did I know anyone who was lesbian or gay. Instead, I mostly heard about people’s biases and of course, hear people use “gay” and “lesbian” as swearwords. I suffered, a lot. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know where I belonged. I had nobody to talk to and I was too ashamed to talk to my parents or my friends. If I could tell my younger self one thing, I would tell her, “You are okay! Be brave and speak to your friends and you will find, you are not alone.”
Creating our own norms
Ultimately, I decide what’s normal and I define what the norm looks like for myself. When I don’t make my sexuality a big topic, nobody else does. It doesn’t have to be the first or most important topic. It’s one part of me, but it is not me entirely. I give individuals the chance to get to know me, not just Susanne the lesbian. Of course, when I’m asked questions about my personal life I answer honestly. But I answer from a place where I’ve normalized bring married to the woman I love – because it is normal.
My civil union
The best decision I ever made was asking my wife to marry me. In 2013 my wife and I entered into a civil union. We celebrated with our family and friends as if it was our “wedding.” In 2018, the German government announced equal marriage rights for everybody. That moment actually made me realize that before, I was a 2nd class citizen. That realization was key for me—I realized how long we’ve come and how important it is to continue after this major success.
Hired because of my expertise
In my current role, I work with people across the world. I experience some cultural and also language barriers. I overcame those issues by staying curious. I learned about different cultures and developed my languages skills. At Discover, I feel respected. I feel safe and have the opportunity to set ambitious goals for myself. And the best part is, it doesn’t matter how I identify. I was hired because of my expertise. Discover takes a big effort to embrace diversity, equity and inclusion (DE&I) in our day-to-day work. Without doubt there’s still a lot to improve. At the end of the day, they give us space to develop because we are all humans and we all have biases to overcome.
Why visibility matters
Today, I am a proud mentor at an LGBTQ+ association for young members of the community. I mentor young girls to support them with their first experience in the business world. I also support their general life worries and try to answer any questions they might have. And of course, I join the Cologne Pride celebration. Each and every year I demonstrate for equal rights. I want to ensure the privileges we enjoy are not taken for granted. The truth is, I always have to work harder to be acknowledged and respected as a female. Now, visibility and action is more important than ever.
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