From Pre-Internet Midwest Isolation to Self-Confident Pride: Coming Out and Staying Out
Nathan A.
Account Executive
Riverwoods, IL
Pronouns: He/Him/His
The pre-internet Midwest landscape
The first time I came out to myself I was a teenager living in a small, Midwestern town. I knew my identity in my mind, but growing up in the Midwest (and being pre-internet) was very isolating. I literally felt like I was the only person who felt the way I did. I suppressed a lot of myself because I had to. I remember saying “I’m gay” out loud in the mirror, and it was an out of body experience (not the good kind).
Deciding to leave for Mexico
The best decision I ever made was leaving my hometown. I always knew my life would never be fulfilling in a smaller setting. I felt drawn to a bigger city so I moved to Mexico after right after high school. It was my first time out of the country and really broadened my view of the world.
Wait, there’s an entire community
Over time, I’ve grown to accept myself for who I am more and more. Back in my teen years, if someone asked me about my sexual orientation, I definitely would have lied. In college, I would have answered depending on whether or not I felt safe enough to do so. Once I moved to Chicago, I felt comfortable enough with myself to not care. I realized there was an entire community that identified the way I do. I would tell my younger self: IT GET’S BETTER! SO MUCH BETTER!
Okay, Discover Pride
Back in my younger days, I connected with the broader LGBTQ+ community by going to gay bars and nightclubs, hanging out in Boystown (Chicago), going to street fests and parades. I don’t frequent the bars and nightclubs anymore, but I do like a good street fest or parade still. Now that I’m more involved in Discover’s Pride employee resource group (ERG), I feel more connected to the community. I’m in frequent contact with local organizations that focus on the LGBTQ+ community.
Going back in the closet
Because I grew up in a non-LGBTQ+ affirming place, if I’m in non-affirming spaces now, I can revert to that mental place. I’m able to suppress myself in order to “fit-in.” But I have friends who can’t do the same (nor should they have to). I don’t frequent non-affirming spaces as much nowadays because it still makes me a bit uncomfortable. I remember going to college sports bars, or events that were very alcohol and straight-male oriented. It’s hard to relax and have a good time when at any moment I know I could be singled out, physically assaulted or worse. That’s why LGBTQ+ affirming spaces are important in reinforcing safety, security, and establishing confidence in your true self.
Yas labels
My identity is ever-evolving, but I’m at the end of my journey of accepting who I am. As with anything, I have good days and bad days. My younger years were definitely full of exploration and trying to find out exactly who I am. It took some time to become comfortable with myself. I’m now more self-loving and self-confident. I know who I am, and I am proud of who I am. I identify as a cis-gendered, Latinx, gay male, and am 100% proud of all of those identifying labels.
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