Finding My Way Beyond the Binary
Bryn
Associate Training Specialist
Lake Park, UT
Pronouns: They/Them
Not having the right words
I originally thought I was bisexual, then demi-sexual, and now I am currently happy with identifying as a-sexual and bi-romantic. Then finally, coming out as non-binary. My identity has changed significantly over time for two major reasons. The first reason is denial, and the second reason is not having the words. My self-discovery journey really wasn’t easy. I felt judged by myself and believed that other people would judge me just as harshly. It was also really hard knowing the people I’m blood related to aren’t as accepting of who I am.
Finding my chosen family
A hard truth I’ve learned is that family are the people you choose— not necessarily the people you’re blood related to. I have a group to call my chosen family and am out to all my friends. They’re all super great with using my pronouns. The best decision I ever made for myself was coming out as non-binary to my chosen family. It was the hardest thing for me to come out, but starting with my chosen family reminded me that there are people who accept me for who I am. My family knows my sexual orientation, but not my pronouns.
Gender dysphoria and handling misgendering
My relationship with myself is getting better, but it is still not perfect. I still struggle with gender dysphoria now and then because I get misgendered so often. If I have a choice, I’m not in non-affirming spaces very often (when I have to be there, my first instinct is to educate with kindness). I’ve learned to come to terms with my sexual orientation and I’m confident with calling myself a-sexual.
Evolving my mental health
I would tell my younger self that it’s okay to not be a “cookie cutter” for anything. I’d let my younger self know that people will still accept me even though I don’t fit the “standard mold.” Now, I’m currently working on evolving my mental health. Being in a pandemic and not being able to directly interact with my support system took a toll on me and forced me to learn new coping skills.
Allyship in the community isn’t guaranteed
I went on a date with someone who identified as lesbian, but didn’t validate transgender identities. It really threw me for a loop that someone who was part of the LGBTQ+ community could be so discriminatory towards a whole part of their own community. I realized then that someone can be queer and not be an ally! That moment reaffirmed my dedication to allyship for the community and minorities.
Being Out at work
In different jobs, I never know how someone is going to react to LGBTQ+ identities, so I’ve spent most of my career not being authentic. At Discover, it’s been really nice to not feel judged at work. Now that I work in a place where I can be myself, it is something I have a hard time allowing myself to do so. Thankfully, I have received nothing but acceptance here at Discover.
My LGBTQ+ obsession
I am obsessed with iced coffee! I’ve also dyed my hair every color of the rainbow. It sometimes feels like I change my hair to match my confidence or my evolved identity. Having colored hair almost feels like a comfort thing because of how much I’m able to reflect my feelings with my hair color.
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